My grandpa just passed away last Saturday morning. I received the shocking bad news from my cousin when I was still sleeping soundly in Singapore. At first she said my grandfather's pulse stopped and the ambulance came. I thought it was not that bad but ten minutes later, my mom called again. This time, she said grandpa has already passed away. I was so shocked of his sudden death. Within minutes, tears started to roll down my cheeks. I couldn't digest the fact that I had lost my dearest gong gong. At the same time, we didn't know how to tell my grandma the news when we were still in Singapore. We just told her to prepare for the worst because grandpa's condition was very bad. It was so hard for us to keep the news from her all the way back to Malaysia on that day. We didn't want her to break down when we were on the way back. I guess she already knew and prepared for it as she's very smart and there's nothing we can hide from her. When we landed on Malaysia, we told her that grandpa left us when we're on the way home. Grandma started crying and everyone in the car started crying again. It was the first time I see grandma crying because she's a strong woman all along. When we got home, grandpa's body was lying on the mattress peacefully. I cried again, regret for not spending the last week with him. I wouldn't have went to Singapore if I knew such things will happen. I thought.
Just yesterday, everything was done. It was the last time I'll ever see grandpa again. These few days weren't easy for all of us. I cried so much for the past few days I have no tears left. The fact that he's gone always hit me when I think of him. But I am also glad that grandpa left us without any pain and suffering. Thank god for that. I am sure grandpa really left us peacefully. He didn't suffer from any major illness before. I guess it was also the reason why I still can't take it because it was too sudden. He said he will buy me dinner to celebrate my birthday and also my good results when I get back from Singapore because I was so busy before this. Sigh. For the first time, I wished I could buy time back. Grandpa's death made me realized that I must always appreciate people that we love and those who love us. And I find the song, live like we're dying by Kris Allen is really meaningful - Gotta live life we're dying. So true.
"We only got 86,400 seconds in a day to
Turn it all around or to throw it all away
We gotta tell them that we love them
While we got the chance to say
Gotta live like we're dying"
Last taken on his 79th birthday last year. It just made me realized how long I haven't get to take a nice picture with him. Sigh. To my dearest grandpa,
Today, you left us to a better place, the place where daddy went. Certainly, there’s no words will suffice to express how much you meant to us. You were our role model, our teacher and our dearest grandfather. Gong gong, you are the best grandfather any kid could have. I wished I could tell you that when you were here. I wished I could tell you how thankful I am to have you as my grandpa. I wished I have another chance to tell you things I haven’t got to tell you yet. I really wished. I remember “Congratulations on your excellent result” and “Happy Birthday” were the very last few words you’ve said to me before you left. I never ever did expect that this will be the last birthday wish I’ll ever hear from you again.
Gong gong, if you’re reading this from heaven, I want you to know how much I love you and how thankful I am to have you as my grandfather. Thank you for raising me to become a good person, providing me a comfortable place to stay and teaching me good table manners and the best life time lessons. Without them, I cannot imagine what I am today. I regret taking you for granted sometimes when you were here and the times when I didn’t grant all your needs giving you excuses that I was busy and tired. Also, I regret for not spending the last week of your life with you. You deserve so much better than this. I know it’s a bit too late to say all of this now. But I really hope you will forgive me for all that gong gong. From now on, I promise to be the best granddaughter like how you always wanted me to be. I will be the role model of the youngers. I will also always take good care of ma ma, myself and everyone else in the family. I promise that I will study harder to become a successful person next time and make you proud. I know you’ll always guide me all the way from heaven just like how daddy did. Please worry not about us. We’ll be fine. You may now enjoy your life there with daddy. Rest in peace gong gong, I love you and will miss you. You’ll be in my heart forever.
From your eldest granddaughter,
Kyean.
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